We grow a variety of flowers and vegetables every summer–thanks to my husband. But my sister-in-law surpasses our collection with her veritable botanical garden. These two green-thumbed siblings amaze me with their gift of gardening. Yet even I, the weakest gardener among us three, know the two key factors to successful gardening: sunlight and water. The trick comes in knowing how to regulate those essentials. And that’s where I sometimes miss it—both with plants and with people.
People are like plants. We all need love. But there are two kinds of love: tough love– which I’ll liken to sunlight–and compassion, which I’ll call water. The trick in relationships is knowing how to balance the two.
In 1 and 2 Timothy Paul advises his protege in how to handle the believers in Ephesus. Timothy, a young man–younger than many in the church–naturally leaned toward giving soft love. (He liked watering plants.) Paul knew that approach might make the believers happy but not healthy. Paul wanted them to grow up. So he challenged Timothy to add in some tough love, some hot sunlight, to bring balance to their lives.
Paul’s instructions included strong words such as command, urge, prescribe, discipline and persevere. Paul’s was not a soft message. He wanted Timothy to teach and speak with authority to the Ephesians, with specific directives for men and women, young or old, even church leaders. Paul had fiery words for every category of believer. This was not a tender, fawning, “You’re so special” kind of message. It was closer to, “STOP doing this and START doing that!” Paul wanted no excuses or sob stories. He was intensely eager for their maturity because he knew the pitfalls and dangers they faced.
In contrast, John–known as the apostle of love–wanted believers to know, above all else, that God had compassion on them. Arguably the most famous verse, John 3:16, testifies to this: For God so loved the world… In his letters John addressed the believers as little children, speaking as a loving father, watering the thirsty believers. He showered them with reminders of God’s goodness and kindness, eager for them to treat each other in that same manner.
John saw hurdles ahead for those he addressed, as Paul did for the Ephesians. But his approach differed. He lovingly warned them to not give in to deception. He tenderly reminded them that as God’s children they should behave as such–because the water of God’s love actually empowered them to do so. And he explained that soaking up this perfect love was the key to overcoming the world. So over and over again he pointed them to that life-giving source of love.
We daily decide how to tend our gardens, and relationships, with more sunlight or water! And for best practices we look to Jesus, the Master Gardener. Many times He boldly spoke the truth in love when dealing with His disciples. Yet He showed them great compassion as well, such as after Peter denied Him. Jesus knew, and knows, from moment to moment what each person needs. All we have to do is ask.
Thank you, Carrie – that makes SO much sense, and is something I need to hear, given that I lean more toward the “watering” aspect of gardening (and relationships.) You are such a wise woman of God.