In middle school, I sometimes quoted a phrase I thought quite clever. “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!” How often do others misunderstand us? Whether due to our unclear choice of words or the hearer’s erroneous perception, communication breaks down easily when either party enters the conversation distracted, upset, insecure, or even tired. Sometimes I think it’s a miracle that any of us can hold a conversation at all!
Jesus experienced misunderstandings frequently. Whether they feared His popularity, His supernatural gifts, or His confidence, the Scribes, Pharisees, and Sadducees were determined to get Him out of the picture. He threatened to dislodge their power over the Jews and the esteem they had garnered from years of holding the law over the Jews’ heads like a threat. When they repeatedly tried this tactic with Jesus, however, He either befuddled them with His wisdom or turned the tables on them, forcing them to face their own hypocrisy.
Jesus saw right through their flimsy pretense, calling them blind guides and fools (Matthew 23:16-17) and serpents (Matthew 23:33). “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness” (Matthew 23:27). Jesus did not mince words. He meant what He said and said what He meant. He knew these religious leaders valued authority, veneration, and the prestige that came from “being right” more than they loved God or loved their own people. They used the Old Testament Law to promote themselves and intimidate everyone else. In contrast, Jesus boiled the Law down to loving God and loving people. No wonder they never agreed!
God knows we’ll be misunderstood as well, so His Word shares some tips on effective communication:
1. What to say: Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).
2. How to say it:
Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person (Colossians 4:6).
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20).
Far too often I find myself not following these guidelines. But when I do, they help me keep calm when disagreements flare up. When I accept the responsibility of keeping my emotions in check and using clear language, my message (or response) is more likely to be understood, even if not agreed with.
The quickest way most humans fall short of God’s best is with our speech. And “taming the tongue” (James 1:26) is a daily battle we continually fight. But by His grace and with humble hearts, we can communicate God’s way more often, leading to fewer misunderstandings.
