We’re having a different kind of Christmas this year. Part of it is because I caught Covid at the company holiday party right before Christmas and we’re isolating. It’s the first time ever for us not to gather at our house Christmas day. We’ll gather virtually with our kids, and in person when we’re well and it’s safe. But Christmas was going to be different for us this year anyway—because of a decision we’d made earlier.
At Thanksgiving, while most of our kids were gathered, we had a conversation about how to make Christmas more relaxed for everyone. We identified what added stress to the season—whether people felt obligated to get gifts, for example. All our children are adults now, so we were trying to be open to change. And for me, even having this conversation represented a big scary change!
Let me give the backdrop. Growing up at my house, the tradition was lots of food and lots of presents. I was the youngest in a big family (by today’s standards), and I couldn’t wait to open my gifts! We might get to open one on Christmas Eve, but the big event at our house was Christmas morning. I faithfully carried this custom forward in my family as we started having children.
Carrie and I usually would have been up until midnight the night before, wrapping the mountain of gifts and stuffing the Christmas stockings…that stretched further and further across our fireplace mantle as the family grew. Unlike in my family of origin, where my parents used my Dad’s old wool hunting socks, we employed huge store-bought stockings, each emblazoned with a child’s name. We even purchased an elegant pair for us! And I compulsively filled them all to the top, which included little wrapped gifts, and usually a lot of candy . . . since kids obviously need sugar for more energy in the morning.
Our kids would race to the stockings at the break of dawn, our oldest in the lead. He thoughtfully awoke all his siblings to partake in his excitement opening those stockings. At one point I remember teaching him to read the clock, telling him he was not allowed to get up Christmas morning before the hour hand was on seven!
The stockings were just the start, and essentially bought time for Carrie to make a big Christmas breakfast.
After the kids impatiently ate (as if they needed breakfast after 4 candy bars) came the moment they’d all been waiting for…presents!!! In our family, it wasn’t Christmas unless the gifts were stacked reaching halfway up the tree. I kid you not—the way we did it, with each person opening one gift at a time while everyone attentively watched to see what they’d unwrapped (pausing for pictures)—took ALL DAY long. It was so long, we had to take intermissions!
Carrie (who, as an only child, was used to a 5-minute gift exchange on Christmas day) tried for years to get me to simplify. After decades, I grudgingly agreed to buy fewer gifts, but my view of things had changed little. In my way of thinking, if some was good, more was better.
Now, back to this year’s conversation with adult children. I had resigned myself to relinquish control and go with whatever people wanted. The consensus was to dispense with any kind of gift exchange and just spend time together throughout the month. Fortunately we got an early start, with a movie night at our oldest daughter’s apartment, then a game night at our house. A few of us blessed an assisted living home with a Christmas carol program (which Carrie had a blast creating) while I accompanied on guitar. Some family members got tickets to various local Christmas concerts or 
holiday events and attended together, and it was fun!
In Luke 10:41-42 Jesus told someone compulsive (just like me), “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one…” I was convinced things had to be a certain way for it to feel like Christmas. Many are trying to get some magical feeling they’re told they should have this time of year and are disappointed if they don’t get it. I heard a pastor years ago compare this attempt to grasping for slippery soap in the shower! This Christmas has been more relaxed than ever, partly forced by Covid. I have nothing to unwrap because nobody got me anything, but I know I’m loved, and I hope others do too. As much as I fought it, our scaling back has given me a glimpse of what matters most.
Hooray! Glad ya’ll enjoyed a more peaceful Christmas season. Me, too. 🙂 Gives us more time to reflect on the “reason for the season”!
Kathy
Great decision! Thanks for sharing this story JB. And we pray Covid leaves once and for all!
Praying for a speedy recovery!