During elementary school summers, my mom and I often spent afternoons at the Overlee Pools. This swim club featured two large competitive-sized swimming pools, a kids’ pool, and a deep water diving area. My swim team practiced there in the early mornings or late afternoons. But during the rest of the day, people of all ages gathered to splash, swim, and dive.
One day on the high dive ladder, my back itched. Somehow while trying to scratch while climbing, I lost my grip and plummeted to the concrete, resulting in a concussion. I remember nothing of that event other than waking up in the hospital three days later, under the gaze of my grateful parents.
Oddly, one feverish night as I lay ill much later in middle school, I thought I heard people yelling my name. My dad realized I must have had hidden, subconscious memories of the moments right after that fall, when people all around called my name hoping for a response.
Decades later, I had an MRI for a different and minor concern. Nothing appeared abnormal, to my relief, and afterward the technicians sent me home with some impressive pictures of the inside of my head! But what neither doctors nor X-rays could detect in either incident were my hidden beliefs.
Most human problems lie not within the physical brain, but in our thoughts. Our beliefs, right or wrong, drive our actions and interactions.
Some people feel unlovable. I did, for a long time. Because I rejected myself, I refused to fully accept God’s love. Yes, I could sing, “Jesus Loves Me” and read verses about the Father’s love but deep down, I refused to believe it.
And just as those subconscious memories of people shouting my name eventually rose to the surface, I finally came to realize that a subconscious self-rejection dominated my thinking. Such ideas were not from God, but I believed them. Those thoughts ran deep, but they were not true.
A favorite bumper sticker advises: “Don’t believe everything you think.”
And part of Romans 3:4 (NKJV) says, Let God be true and every man a liar.
After repeatedly hearing that God’s love and acceptance is not based on my performance, I eventually humbled myself enough to agree with God’s Word, giving it greater credence than my self-evaluation. I submitted my feelings to the spiritual reality.
Humility was the key—admitting that God was right and I was wrong!
I had to give up my “right” to judge myself and allow the highest Judge (who Himself paid for my sin) to declare me righteous before I found freedom. And freedom from self-rejection is one of the greatest freedoms possible.
Despite how you feel, God loves you. It’s a fact not a feeling. And it’s the truth that will set you free.
Very powerful reflections and insights, Carrie – thank you! It’s important not to let our own perceptions – or what others have said or say about us – define our sense of worth.