Edna suffered from depression, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue. She invariably came into the office complaining and looking for things to criticize. She would become very upset if put on hold or had to wait. Granted, Edna was in pain, but even people in pain choose how they respond. She even complained a thermometer irritated her lips! My nurses dreaded seeing her.
I felt exhausted after twenty to thirty minutes with her. She not only talked about her aches and pains but also complained about her husband or family. Every phrase was a complaint or criticism, usually in a whining tone. I left appointments drained. I asked my staff to schedule her last.
I wasn’t the first physician in Edna’s life. By the time I met her, she had been to fifteen physicians and was only forty-five. She had been married three times! Edna attempted to sue previous physicians for malpractice (unsuccessful). It was a miracle she stayed with me for years since no treatments I prescribed seemed to help.
Then I became aware of the importance of words. I prescribed: “Look for the good instead of focusing on the bad.” I told her to find the good in everything and refuse to complain, criticize, or be negative. She had developed negative mental, emotional, and speech habits.
I described, in a gym, scrawny teenagers came to lift weights. Some didn’t weigh more than 120 pounds. After coming three to four times a week, lifting weights under a trainer, they emerged months later with bulging biceps. Change didn’t occur overnight, but did happen.
I explained she had developed “bulging biceps” of criticism and negativity. Her “muscles” of praise and encouragement were imperceptible. I asked her to shrink her critical outlook and exercise praise and positivity. She was reluctant, but I asked her to try for twenty-four hours.
How did she respond? “There is no way I could go twenty-four hours without complaining and criticizing.” I suggested she try for an hour. She was silent. Finally, she agreed.
I insisted she stay for that hour. She told me later it was one of the most difficult things she had ever done. At the end, I said, “If you can do this for one hour, you can do it for twenty-four.” I called her husband, explained, and he agreed to make this a “game” with their family.
The next day, Edna reported she had gone twenty-four hours without complaining. She seemed excited. I asked her to continue with her family.
The next month, I could hardly believe the change. She smiled, had energy, and said her depression had lifted. Pain had decreased significantly. Each month, she improved. Not only was Edna getting well physically, but her marriage was healing, and her relationships improved. Love and appreciation were expressed by and to Edna.
My staff and nurses looked forward to her appointments. She eventually did not need monthly appointments—we were sorry not to see her but pleased she was doing well!
This story is from the book Stress Less, by Don Colbert, MD, pages 136-138. The story has been edited for brevity and shared on a limited basis within Colorado Church with express permission from the publisher, Siloam.